As a product manager, do you find it challenging to navigate relationships with stakeholders - engineers, designers, analysts, business teams, etc? Being a great PM isn’t just about roadmaps, metrics, or OKRs. It’s about people - motivating them, listening actively, and influencing without formal authority. In his book How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie shares principles for building meaningful relationships and enhancing personal effectiveness.
#1 Handling People
- Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain: Criticism often leads to resentment and defensiveness. Instead of assigning blame, effective product managers lead with empathy, striving to understand the reasons behind a team member’s actions. For example, during retrospectives, rather than pointing fingers when a feature fails or a delivery slips, they focus on understanding the context and collaborating on future solutions.
- Give honest and sincere appreciation: Genuine appreciation fosters goodwill and encourages positive behavior. Good product managers consistently recognize small wins, acknowledge the efforts of engineering, design, and analytics teams, and highlight great ideas when they arise. These small gestures help build trust, enhance team morale, and maintain positive momentum.
- Arouse in the other person an eager want: Successful product managers prioritize the interests of others and frame conversations around shared goals. By aligning product objectives with the needs of business stakeholders, they show how their roadmap supports broader company outcomes. This approach not only avoids friction but also fosters stronger relationships and a sense of shared ownership.
#2 Ways to Make People Like You
- Become genuinely interested in other people: Demonstrating real curiosity about others through meaningful conversations and active listening. It helps build stronger connections. Effective product managers go beyond project deliverables, making the effort to understand their cross-functional team members on a personal level. This approach fosters deeper collaboration and trust across design, engineering, analytics, and business teams.
- Smile: A warm friendly demeanor can set a positive tone and make a lasting impression. A product manager’s tone and presence in meetings, reviews, and digital communication channels like Slack significantly influence team dynamics. An approachable attitude encourages openness, timely feedback, and stronger collaboration.
- Remember and use people’s names: Using someone’s name during conversations signals respect and recognition. Successful product managers make it a point to remember names and acknowledge individual contributions. This small but impactful habit shows attentiveness and builds stronger relationships with stakeholders.
- Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves: People value being heard and understood. Great product managers listen attentively during user interviews, stakeholder meetings, and team discussions, resisting the urge to dominate the conversation. By giving others space to express themselves, they uncover valuable insights while strengthening trust and rapport.
- Talk in terms of the other person’s interests: Tailoring communication to align with what matters to the listener makes discussions more engaging and persuasive. Skilled product managers adapt their messaging based on their audience. For example, focusing on strategic value for executives, user experience for designers, and technical feasibility for engineers.
- Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely: Genuine appreciation and recognition foster loyalty and motivation. Product managers who consistently acknowledge their team’s contributions through public praise or by spotlighting others in demos and reviews. This builds an environment of respect. People are far more likely to go above and beyond when they feel truly valued.
#3 Win People to Your Way of Thinking
- Avoid arguments: Arguments rarely lead to productive outcomes. They often harden positions and create lasting resentment. Effective product managers recognize that stakeholder disagreements are natural but should be approached calmly and constructively. Instead of pushing for a win, they focus on building alignment. Product success depends on collective effort, not individual victories.
- Show respect for the other person’s opinions: Saying “You’re wrong” can quickly shut down open dialogue. Good product managers respect differing perspectives - whether it's an engineer raising feasibility concerns or a stakeholder questioning priorities. By acknowledging those viewpoints and seeking common ground, they maintain trust and keep discussions solution-focused.
- If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically: Owning up to mistakes such as a failed feature launch or a missed deadline shows humility and earns respect. Product managers who take responsibility rather than shifting blame help cultivate a culture of learning, accountability, and continuous improvement.
- Begin in a friendly way: Starting conversations with warmth, a smile, or a quick check-in can disarm tension and set a positive tone in challenging discussions. Product managers who lead with kindness foster a collaborative atmosphere that encourages openness and honest feedback.
- Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately: Beginning with small agreements builds momentum toward broader alignment. Skilled product managers start conversations by focusing on shared goals or early consensus points, which makes it easier to introduce more complex or strategic ideas later.
- Let the other person do most of the talking: People appreciate being heard. Whether engaging with users, engineers, or executives, good product managers prioritize listening. By asking thoughtful questions and giving others room to speak, they uncover deeper insights and gain more authentic buy-in.
- Let the other person feel the idea is theirs: People are more invested in solutions they feel they’ve contributed to. Effective product managers foster collaboration by co-creating ideas with their teams. When team members feel ownership, they bring more energy, creativity, and commitment to execution.
- Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view: Empathy is essential for influence. By genuinely seeking to understand the concerns behind a stakeholder's urgency or a developer’s pushback on scope, product managers can bridge gaps more effectively and make better-informed decisions.
- Be sympathetic to the other person’s ideas and desires: Whether it's a designer passionate about a particular flow or a stakeholder anxious about metrics, good product managers acknowledge these feelings before offering alternative viewpoints, choosing empathy over ego.
- Appeal to nobler motives: People respond more strongly to purpose than to process. Product managers who frame their requests around a bigger mission like delivering better user experiences, solving meaningful problems, or making a social impact can motivate teams far beyond deadlines and metrics.
- Dramatize your ideas: Turning data into compelling stories makes ideas more memorable. For instance, rather than stating “conversion improved,” a product manager might say, “We helped 1,000 more people find what they needed.” Framing outcomes in human terms helps rally support and enthusiasm.
- Throw down a challenge: Teams thrive on meaningful challenges. Framing ambitious goals like reducing page load time below one second as collaborative challenges can spark motivation and creativity. Product managers who inspire through challenge often bring out the best in their teams.